


A Perfectly Natural Biological Reaction

by Sintari (OriginalSintari)



Series: Pr0ntober 2006 [1]
Category: Bleach
Genre: Lemon, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-17
Updated: 2016-10-17
Packaged: 2018-08-22 21:23:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8301631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OriginalSintari/pseuds/Sintari
Summary: "You've got to stop saying suff like that," Ikkaku muttered through his fingers. "You're going to ruin our reputations. The captain already thinks..."  Ikkaku, Yumichika and a room full of paperwork. This is how rumors get started.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This little lemon was originally written for Pr0ntober, 2006

"I really must file the documents from the ryoka incident," Yumichika sighed, tapping the hilt of his zanpaktou thoughtfully. "I can't stand to meet in the office when it looks so unsightly. And all that white everywhere washes me out."

Ikkaku shrugged. "Go for it. But that's over a month's worth of paperwork. You'll waste all the daylight." He had to admit that it had been a little disconcerting when picking his way through the maze of stacked papers in the 11th Divison office had taken longer than the actual meeting itself. Once they were all scrunched in, the meeting -- probably as mandatory for Kenpachi to call it as it was for the rest of the Division to attend it -- had lasted all of thirty seconds, with the entire transcript reading, "When they finally let you loose, go find an arrancar to kill. If you can't find an arrancar, find something that smells like an arrancar and kill it."

Unfortunately, when Yumichika had an idea in his head, there was little chance of deterring him. Ikkaku cursed himself for having been stupid enough to mention that his big plans for the day involved the baths and napping, or maybe both at the same time. Now Yumichika stopped in the middle of the street and cut his eyes at his friend. Ikkaku tried, unsuccessfully, to ignore the sly look.

"It wouldn't take all day if I have help..." He tossed his hair, lingering in that pose for a calculated second. Ikkaku had already noted that his friend had positioned himself to the left, so that Ikkaku took in his "best side." Not that a scrapper like Ikkaku intentionally knew anything about "best sides," or that Yumichika's was his right and that every time they had their photographs taken he compulsively tilted his head to the side so that finding a picture of Yumichika's face dead-on was harder than picking a satisfying fight with a group of Fourth Division recruits. When you hung out with Yumichika as much as he had, you just sort of picked up on things like that.

You also learned just how hard it was to squirm away once Yumichika had his perfectly buffed claws in you. "You'd better start looking for a sucker then," Ikkaku tried.

Yumichika only grinned widely and stared straight at him. "No need to look far."

Ikkaku decided to try a different approach. "Why don't we go pick a fight instead? Wouldn't you rather get a sword cut than a paper cut?" He began walking again, away from the 11th Division headquarters, and was satisfied when Yumichika fell into step with him. "Wonder what an arrancar smells like, anyway? I never got close enough to Aizen to smell him. And Tousen smelled kind of like that pink stuff you put on your face when you get a cold and think you look pale."

Affronted, Yumichika stopped walking again. "That's a vile lie! Does this look like a face that ever needs cosmetics?" To demonstrate, he framed said face with his fingers. One of his ostentatious eyelashes twitched slightly in the breeze.

Ikkaku held his hands up. "Whoa! Never say the word 'cosmetics' to me ever again, dammit. Only gay dudes talk about that stuff."

"Oh yeah," Yumichika reached up and dabbed at the corner of Ikkaku's eye, coming away with a red fingertip. "So what do you call this?"

Ikkaku scowled. "War paint. And you smudged me! Give me your mirror."

Yumichika danced back. "Not until you agree to help me with the paperwork."

Ikkaku dabbed at his eye. "Go to hell."

He'd spotted a mirrored surface suitable for war paint reapplication when he felt Yumichika sidle up behind him. "What do I have to do, Ikkaku? Offer to suck you off after?"

Ikkaku had been in the process of fixing the smudge but now, half stooped, tongue out, finger an inch from his mouth, he froze.

Yumichika's voice had moved a bit farther away now. "You know, I don't think you have to worry about those smudges anymore. Your whole head is as red as your 'war paint' now." He added snidely, "It's not very becoming."

It's not such a big step from "checking war paint" to "despairingly holding your head in your hands," as Ikkaku immediately found out. "You've got to stop saying shit like that," he muttered through his fingers. "You're going to ruin our reputations. The captain already thinks..." He trailed off, sensing that Yumichika was waiting expectantly for the end of that particular sentence. "Never mind."

"Would it make you feel better if I let you try to punch me in the face?"

Ikkaku considered. "Yep."

"No problem. But only after we file that paperwork."

"Okay, okay, fine! But I swear, I'm going to trash just as many papers as I actually put away, and if you ever come across any odd notations in your personnel file, just remember that you asked for this."

()()()()()

Paper cuts hurt, Ikkaku discovered that day.

"Just soak them in some lemon juice and they'll feel all better," Yumichika grinned.

Ikkaku shot him a look. No way he was falling for that one again.

Going into this endeavor, Ikkaku had been under the mistaken impression that this process involved the actual insertion of documents into files, a notion Yumichika had quickly disabused him of. ("That would take days!") By the time they were finished, all the papers were out of sight and a sufficient percentage of the filing cabinet drawers closed all the way.

"All done!" Yumichika said cheerily.

Ikkakau balled up his fists. "Good. Now you said you'd do something for me after we were finished."

Yumichika's smile was as slow as it was feral. "I thought you'd never ask."

Ikkaku felt himself blushing for the second time that day. Even the backs of his hands were red. "Sparring. I meant sparring!"

But it was happening again. Ikkaku could usually convince himself that that sticky energy thrumming through his body was due to the prospect of a fight. He generally had a hard-on when he fought, after all. All that adrenaline? It was a perfectly natural biological reaction! So fucking what if it happened a little well, early, where Yumichika was involved? Want to make something of it, Self?

Yumichika moved to the middle of the room, his hands down by his sides. "Go for it."

Ikkaku lunged, aiming for the face just like he'd promised, but at the last second he pulled his punch -- if the captain had been there he'd have been stripped of his rank right then and there -- and Yumichika was able to pivot and avoid him.

Yumichika smoothed his hair, though it wasn't in the least bit disheveled. "Well, I hope it was as good for you as it was for me," he said lightly.

"You promised me something else," Ikkaku said suddenly. And no, he didn't know why he said it. Maybe it was because that sticky energy was still there, unspent after an unconnected punch.

The grin was back, but he wouldn't be Yumichika if he didn't milk the moment. He cupped a hand around his ear. "Oh? What was that? After nearly a hundred years you're finally-"

Ikkaku cut in. "I can still change my mind."

Yumichika was incredulous. "...And not get a blowjob from the most beautiful shinigami in existence?"

When he put it that way, it was only logical. Not to mention, Yumichika was practically purring now. Ikkaku could count on one hand every time he'd heard Yumichika use that voice. And after he'd counted he'd generally wrap that same hand around his cock and imagine hearing it just one more time. Yumichika could do more to Ikkaku with his voice than most women could do with their hands, not that he'd ever tell him.

Of course, he'd probably discovered that for himself by now since he was currently parting Ikkaku's robes to reveal the evidence.

Ikkaku was still standing there, like a lump, in the middle of the office. He could feel the hairs on his arms standing up, and sweat beading on the back of his neck, but all of that was forgotten when Yumichika knelt in front of him.

"This won't change anything," he said, in that voice, but the fact that he was holding Ikkaku's cock in his hand like a comical microphone told Ikkaku that he was most likely lying.

At that moment Yumichika took him in his mouth and Ikkaku couldn't really bring himself to care anymore. Then Yumichika did this swirly thing with his tongue and Ikkaku had to grab his shoulders to keep from losing his balance and stumbling into one of the filing cabinets. Why had he put this off again? The facts that for one, he wasn't queer and for two, Yumichika was batshit insane didn't seem quite so important when his friend was going down on him. Try as he might, he couldn't think of a single reason to object when Yumichika reached between his legs and squeezed his balls lightly, one, then the other, just exactly the way he liked it.

Yumichika was a swallower. Ikkaku had imagined he would be. But when he licked a stray drop of come off of his lips after though, Ikkaku had to look away. A guy could only take so many new experiences in any given day.

"Thanks for your help," Yumichika says. His lips are still wet and to stop himself for doing something completely idiotic like kissing him, Ikkaku begins to think about practical things like whether the door had been locked. He looks at the door. It doesn't look very locked. He walks over and locks it now, which is a little like closing the portal when the hollows are already out, but it makes him feel better all the same.

But Yumichika seems to read something entirely different in the act of locking the door. He's grinning again -- he really is batshit insane, that one -- and Ikkaku decides that maybe one more new experience is in order after all.


End file.
